I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
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