U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
