Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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