I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize