How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
