I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
