guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize