Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
