this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
