i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
