he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
You left your phone here
Wait...
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