So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
