Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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