She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
He felt like a one man threesome
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
