We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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