My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
