whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
