someone owes me an orgasm
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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