My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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