Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
