Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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