Got a toothbrush?
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize