Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
