Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
My liver just broke up with me...
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize