dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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