i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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