sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
