Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Randomize
