I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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