its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm like, not good at living.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
