I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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