No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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