I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize