sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
