she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
