I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize