I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Randomize