fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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