and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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