If i could tip my vagina, i would.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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