No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
