and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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