I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
