this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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