The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
