we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
