I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
