did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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