we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
