im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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