i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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