I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
