I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
