nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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