My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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