yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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