i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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