Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
