I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
