Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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