i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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