In the future we'll all be gay
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize