Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
