Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
