Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
