24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
this will be a night to untag.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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