I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize