so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
