i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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