His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Randomize
