OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
