What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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