Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
