It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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