where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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