'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
foreskin is a definite game changer
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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