Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize