Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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