She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize