my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
