are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
