Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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