fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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